I usually just talk about whatever project I am working on and throw a video up and call it good. But today, I want to talk about something a little different.
I had big plans for Desert Angel Mixed Media Arts. I had a business plan. I took courses and got certified to teach. I got financing. I bought paint and easels and canvases and paper. I developed my own style. I wanted to teach meaningful art that would change the world. Best laid plans.
Enter Lupus. An auto immune disease that causes your immune system to attack your organs and joints. The symptoms are a long list, but the ones that affect me most are extreme fatigue, joint pain, muscle weakness and muscle pain. Some times its my hands, another day it is my knees or my lungs are inflamed or I can only stay up for 3 hours and have to go back to bed or its an infection somewhere in my body that knocks me flat. AND then… It will just go away for a while. It’s those times when I think I can conquer the world with my paint brush and found things and scrapbook paper and ink. Its then that I forget that Lupus makes me unreliable because I never know when it will attack. I forget that I may not have the energy to make an appointment or carry paint bottles or drive. I forget that I might not make that show that I paid 100 bucks to get into. But Lupus always reminds me. And when it does, sometimes I become depressed, introverted, and sad.
That’s no way to live. It is time for a dose of reality. I’ve spent almost a year now grieving the loss of a dream. Pouting. Wondering why the magic diet didn’t work or the new pill isn’t kicking in. Feeling worthless, washed up, old and rickety and nearing the jumping off place. Poppy cock.
I am a survivor. There are others who have much worse things to deal with than this and I am blessed enough to have an amazing husband who supports me and loves me no matter what. I have amazing children and family. I have a long history of recovery and I have a bad ass art room with everything that I could need to create. I don’t have to worry about anything but my own junk and I have sat in my self pity long enough. I have no right to feel sorry for my self when my real purpose has been with me all along and God has provided everything I need to accomplish my deepest hidden desire which is to help others recover from trauma, substance abuse, sexual abuse, eating disorders, loss… the list goes on, through art. I am not a therapist, I have just developed some techniques that have helped me heal and I want to share those things. I have a master’s degree in experience when it comes to surviving trauma. God set me up to do this thing. I tried to get out of it. It has been my secret healing place with all my secrets and ideas and joys and victories. I just didnt want to share. But when you have a purpose deep inside you, and it has been there for a long time and you know it is what you were born to do, eventually you have to do it.
So there it is. I am going to be 50 this year. 50. I feel like I better get a move on here. I will be doing this from my art room through you tube, blogging, and social media. I am just going to share. No promises, no schedule. Just Life. Just Art. Just Healing. Just community. Just Recovery. Its time to do the work. It doesn’t matter who watches or follows me. It only matters that I do it. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and jump and trust that God will catch you.
I have been wanting to experiment with resin on book covers. I decided a good beginning experiment would be on the little golden books I have been working with and now is as good a time as any. I was pretty pleased with the outcome. I went a little nuts on this journal. It’s a big ole chunky thang… with a lot of interactive stuff. I was just in love with this little book and its illustrations and graphics. It remind me of hanging out with my Grandmother when I was little.
Here is a flip through video.
No matter what I try I am always drawn back to mixed media. Its my favorite way to create. It creates in me a “wondering” and an excitement. I am always happy when I am experimenting with supplies, mixing this with that and creating something new or original.
I completed this journal and doll almost simultaneously so the following video is a short Looky Lou at those items. I should have them, and a few other things listed in my etsy shop this weekend.
I have a tendency to go a little over board when I get excited about an art project. I have collected A LOT of children’s books and my head is over flowing with ideas for journals and bags and….. oh so much more. I am working on a series (” Books and Bags” )for a while. I need to switch gears for a while. It has been hard finding real estate in this new place to build a studio for teaching, so we decided to postpone it for a while. This leaves me a little time to just art. Just relax. Just have fun. So that I can release the inner creative beast before I explode, I decided to go back to working on one of my favorite things: Book binding and journals. I love this because there are no rules. I can sew, paint, work with papers, work with books, stamps, texture, jewelry components, fabrics, hardware,…the list just goes on. This series will last until I run out of books or until I have chewed all the flavor out of it, or until a squirrel runs by… you creative types know what I am talking about.
This nautical themed journal began with a little golden book and became a junk journal, my favorite no-rules art journal thing so far. This one is on its way to Indiana right now.